Author Archives: ak damsel in distress


A few thoughts that have taken a stroll through my brain.

I must be the most boring person on the face of the earth.  I have been perusing profiles on a couple of dating sites and it seems that jaunts to Hawaii, warm locales in the lower 48 and overseas on a whim are normal.  Men all ride motorcycles and are looking for a committed relationship (although within 5 messages they bring up sex.)  No one works 40+ hour weeks and want to come home, have dinner, clean up and then veg on the couch for a little snuggle time and then bed.

It’s just a cold.  Men’s colds are the end of the world and women’s colds are an inconvenience.

Lack of sleep makes me hate everyone and everything.

I miss having someone sleep next to me and I am so glad that my daughter isn’t too old to climb in bed with me and snuggle when Mom needs it.  She is hitting the tween age but isn’t pulling away like her older sister did.  For that I thank God everyday.

My kids love each other.  That though alone makes me happy.  My post on Facebook explains.  One more brag on my kids….last night Eugenie’s battery died because she left the lights on. She called a friend to jump start her but he was bad with directions so she called me to be on standby. I had to call Jacob and ask him to pull his jumper cables out of his buried car for made to pick up in case I had to go in for the rescue. He was more than happy to so that. Then Jared was walking home from work and saw Eugenie waiting and stopped to stay with her for company and protection. Josh (Eugenie’s boyfriend/baby daddy) and friends got there to jump start her car then gave Jared a ride home. The boys may not get to see their sister daily but they are there for each other in a moments notice.

Punctuality is important to me.  I didn’t realize how much it irritates me for someone I am meeting to run late.  I had two meet ups with a gentleman and he was late both times.  The first time he texted me to let me know and the other it was only about 5 minutes but if that is how he is going to be when he should be trying to impress me how bad would it get if we got into “real” life.

I like my job.  A lot.  I like getting a problem and figuring it out. I like knowing my resources and who to ask for help when I need it.  I like being part of a team that enjoys their time together both in the office and out.

I am boring, really boring.  But I take good care of those I love.  I will take boring over adventurous any day if I can make those around me feel loved and cared for.


Using the “don’t mess with me” voice

I hate confrontation.  So much so that I don’t always stand up for myself.

I got a new pair of glasses last April from LensCrafters.  Paid a pretty penny because I am vain and won’t wear bifocals with the line so I get the Progressive lenses.  I wouldn’t accept the first lenses they installed in the frame because I could see the laser marks on the lens.  The second set of lenses were fine.

I wore these glasses about 3 months when two cracks developed in one corner of the right lens.  The cracks didn’t impair my vision so I just let it go.  A few more months went by and the cracks got worse and minor cracks started developing on the left side of the left lens.

I decided to go to a Eye Mart and get a new pair of glasses.  Once my new glasses came in I took the pair I had been wearing back to LensCrafters and demanded they replace the defective lenses.  The clerk told me that there was nothing she could do.  I put on my don’t mess with me voice and said, “Yes, you can, you can get me a manager or the number to corporate because someone will be replacing these defective lenses.”

Poor clerk looked a little taken aback but she did go get the manager.  The manager took one look at the lenses and said, “Order new lenses these are obviously defective.”

I am glad I took a stand and didn’t let myself get pushed around.  I am always afraid of being perceived as being a bitch but taking a stand and demanding quality products that I purchase with my hard earned money is not being bitchy.  Too bad it took me 40+ years to learn that lesson.

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Valentine’s Day


I am not a big fan of Valentine’s Day.  I am not anti-VD just not a fan.  I think Michael Fiore said it best in this post on his digital romance website.

I don’t want or need flowers, jewelry, a dinner at a fancy restaurant, etc. from my man.  I would rather have the daily hug from behind while I am cooking dinner, the unexpected text or call saying I am thinking about you, the lingering kiss as one of us leaves home for the day, the gentle touch as he walks past just to let me know he can’t keep his hands off me.  It truly is the little things done everyday that keeps the love alive.


Losing Weight


I am a big girl, obese if you use the medical terminology.  I have struggled with my weight and body perception my entire life.  As a child I was constantly compared to my older by 14 months sister.  She was blonde haired, blued eyed, taller than I by inches.  I was the brown eyed, brown haired, short, freckled, slightly chubby kid.  I look at pictures of myself and my older sister and I was not a FAT child, I was slightly overweight but no where near the fatty fatty two by four my parents (especially my mother) made me believe about myself.

That warped body perception has followed my for most of my life. I know I am an obese woman but when I look in the mirror I see a not bad looking heavy woman.  When I see photographs of myself I am horrified by what I see.  Oh, the rose colored glasses we wear when we look in the mirror.

2012 started off well with a daily workout regimen, I wasn’t losing a lot of weight but I was breathing easier and my body was firmer due to muscle strengthening.  Then my car broke down and the stress of getting that repair done and the emotional helplessness I felt just derailed my plans and goals.

The last few months of 2012 saw me spiraling down in depression.  I was taking my anti-depressant and that kept the self harm thoughts away but I wasn’t taking care of myself.  My dental hygienist and hairdresser mentioned they could see the lack of care.

The beginning of 2013 I began to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

My kids gave me a Kuerig coffee maker so I started lowering my daily caloric intake beginning with fluids.  I am avoiding artificial sweeteners so I am careful to measure the sugar and dairy products I put in my coffee.  I brought in a glass I like to drink out of to work so I am drinking more water throughout the day.  I allow myself one soft drink a day and generally I only drink half a can and finish it the following day.

Next, I changed my breakfast habit.  Breakfast is now a sliced banana, orange and crushed granola bar.  Mid morning snack is a Greek yogurt.

Third change was lunch.  I chop up several stalks of celery, a tomato, half a cucumber, and a small avocado.  At lunch I heat up about 3-4 ounces of either lean beef strips or chopped chicken and add that to the chopped vegetables.

For dinners, I eat whatever I cook for the kids just in smaller portions.  I pay attention to each bite to determine am I still hungry or am I continuing to eat just to clean my plate.

I do allow myself a  small sweet after dinner.  A bite sized candy such as a mini reese’s peanut butter cup or a single cookie.  This way I don’t feel deprived.

I am two weeks into this new way of thinking about eating and 5 lbs are gone.  That is half the depression weight I gained.  I am going to hold off on starting back to the work out regime I did last year until I am more fully immersed in the new eating habits.  I don’t want to derail the good that I have accomplished by pushing too hard.

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Building a team

Building a cohesive work team is not easy.  Our help desk team is down one member and the process of refilling that position has begun.  Our last teammate was not a team player.  Ego out the wazoo, chauvinistic pig attitude, his idea of customer service was closing more tickets per day than anyone else.  We were happy to see him go.

The hiring manager recently called two of us on the help desk team to sit in on the second interview with a promising applicant.  The two of us were previously hiring managers so we knew the legal do’s and don’ts as far as questions that could be asked.  I like the idea of having team members meet applicants to see if personalities mesh.

Spending 1/3 of each day in an office with 10 other people one bad apple can truly spoil the barrel.  Being a team player doesn’t mean you have to like every person on the team but you have to be willing to work together and compromise.  You don’t have to always see eye to eye but you do have to respect one another’s differences.

I like the fact our team gets along well despite the differences.  We are not what most people imagine IT personnel to be.  Granted we have some members who are solid gamers, voracious readers but we also have athletes and total outdoorsmen.   We dog each other, take as good as we dish out.  We push each other to better the entire department.

My hope is that once the new team member comes on board our barrel will be full with no bad seeds spoiling the mix.


Online dating…ugh


I have done the online dating, both paid and free sites.  I have heard and actually met a few people who met their current spouse/significant other online so I thought I would give it a try.  Here are some lessons learned based on my less than stellar experiences.  In no particular order….

1 – it isn’t easy

2 – All the hype about having a good written profile is hype, better to have a good picture.  I think I only had one man comment about the profile I spent hours writing.

3 – people lie…a lot

4 – scammers are prolific

5 – you learn to translate very quickly ie “I’m not looking for dates just someone to talk to” = I am married/have a girlfriend and “maybe fun” = I want a booty call/sex

6 – being “cougar age” chances are better than not you will be contacted by men much younger than your stated age range

7 – be careful asking for pictures, if  you are a woman asking a man for a picture chances are better than not you will get….to be delicate…a friend calls them pickle shots

8 – if you do decide to email one another outside of the website learn how to strip the headers off the email and trace the IP addresses to verify that you aren’t emailing someone overseas

update 2/15/13   In the last two days have been contacted by two scammers, and one “mature for my age” 25 year old.  This is to top off the month long experiment of trying the online thing again.  In the 4 weeks I was on I had zero contact with anyone who was either real or age appropriate.  It is time to throw in the towel again with the online dating thing.


Women who suck and those who don’t

Today was totally and thoroughly ruined by a couple of women.

I have cried a thousand tears over accusations that I am a horrible parent.  Raising children is never easy. Each child has their own personality and you try (sometimes desperately) to let them know you love them unconditionally. I think every parent goes through difficult times with each of their children and it is how they each (parent and child) handle those rough times that foretells the future. I know I made mistakes but I did the best I could. I gave 100% to my kids and I said I am sorry whenever I knew I was wrong. As my children have become adults I have given them their autonomy to make their decisions about me. I have learned from conversations with my sister and other conversations with my adult children that our memories of events are clouded by our own perceptions. I take responsibility for my own shortcomings where my kids are concerned, none of them know the tears the I have shed worrying I have damaged them.

A good friend of mine has started the awful process of getting divorced.  And his soon to be ex-spouse is attempting to ruin his life.  She has spread allegations that could get him in deep trouble.  As much as I despised my ex when I was leaving my marriage I would never have attempted to ruin his life like she is doing.  Even with the demise of a union, civility should rein, especially when children are involved.  Never should any person ruin the life of the person who is the other parent to their children.   It is hard to be a supportive friend when you live thousands of miles away but I will do my best to be the person my friend can count on for support.

My women friends were so supportive during this day of angst.  I love how different we all are but as mothers, coworkers and friends you couldn’t ask for better women to surround yourself with.


Lessons learned from a couple of movies


“Sometimes I feel like there’s a hole inside of me, an emptiness that at times seems to burn. I think if you lifted my heart to your ear, you could probably hear the ocean. I have this dream of being whole. Of not going to sleep each night, wanting. But still sometimes, when the wind is warm or the crickets sing… I dream of a love that even time will lie down and be still for. I just want someone to love me. I want to be seen. I don’t know. Maybe I had my happiness. I don’t want to believe it but, there is no man,”

I truly don’t believe I have to have a man in my life to be happy but it sure would be nice to have someone other than my children in my life to share my love with.

I wonder sometimes, when I married, did I really love him.  Or was I so afraid of being alone I held on for dear life to the first person who wanted to marry me.  Actually, he was the second person to say they wanted to marry me but the first I don’t count because I was a young teenager when he professed his love and said I want to marry you.  Right now I think I am in love with a man who lives 3000 miles away from me.  But I cry more often than I smile when I think about him, and that isn’t love.  My two best friends asked me these two questions; “Are you hanging on to him because you are afraid you won’t find anyone else?” and “Are you hanging on to him to justify leaving your marriage?”  The answer to the first question is yes.  The answer to the second on is no, I didn’t leave my marriage for any man, I left my marriage to save my life.  It’s a coincidence that I met this man in the same time frame that I was leaving.

The movie “He’s Just Not That Into You” has some terrific lessons.  “Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, Every story we’re told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we’re so focused on finding our happy ending we don’t learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don’t, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn’t include a guy, maybe… it’s you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is… just… moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope.”   I don’t want my happy ending to be moving on.  The thought of being alone for the rest of my life happy or not makes me cry.

I try to remind myself that all these negative thoughts are coming from my winter time depression.  I know that December – January is my depression season.  I need to stop thinking about relationships, about men in general, and focus on me.

And so ends another whiny blog post.  Get over yourself, Robin.


A scream for attention…and….nothing

“I can’t seem to shut off my brain, worrying about things I have no control over, scared that at the end of the day I will be lost and alone and no one will even care because I am so forgettable.  It’s no wonder that I feel ignored…it’s not that anyone is ignoring me…it’s they forget I am even here.”

I couldn’t sleep last night.  And like a drunk that can’t stop themselves I sent that text to someone I love with all my heart who…well, he tells me he loves me but…I don’t know.  Since it has been 3 hours since he woke up and I haven’t gotten a reply, I really feel forgotten and unloved.

I know these are real feelings, I know they are being nourished by depression.  What I don’t know is how to weed this garden of negativity.  Is it time to prune this person from my life?  Probably…he is going through a really hard life change right now and I would hate to add to his burden.  I know I need to love myself enough to let go…you hear that really loud but looming don’t you.

No rash decisions, not until I get the sleep I need and am on a firmer foundation of stable emotions.


New Year New……

Dreams, worries, hopes, hurts…what will this new year bring.

I have never been a resolution kinda girl.  Trying to live day by day but always worrying is more my speed.  Not a really healthy mental way of life, I know but it is how I tick

2012 ended with my mind over worrying about a person who I love that forgets I even exist.  A familiar pattern that I wish I could break.

So there it is, my goal to achieve this year is to love and worry about me and my kids before anyone else.