Losing Weight

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I am a big girl, obese if you use the medical terminology.  I have struggled with my weight and body perception my entire life.  As a child I was constantly compared to my older by 14 months sister.  She was blonde haired, blued eyed, taller than I by inches.  I was the brown eyed, brown haired, short, freckled, slightly chubby kid.  I look at pictures of myself and my older sister and I was not a FAT child, I was slightly overweight but no where near the fatty fatty two by four my parents (especially my mother) made me believe about myself.

That warped body perception has followed my for most of my life. I know I am an obese woman but when I look in the mirror I see a not bad looking heavy woman.  When I see photographs of myself I am horrified by what I see.  Oh, the rose colored glasses we wear when we look in the mirror.

2012 started off well with a daily workout regimen, I wasn’t losing a lot of weight but I was breathing easier and my body was firmer due to muscle strengthening.  Then my car broke down and the stress of getting that repair done and the emotional helplessness I felt just derailed my plans and goals.

The last few months of 2012 saw me spiraling down in depression.  I was taking my anti-depressant and that kept the self harm thoughts away but I wasn’t taking care of myself.  My dental hygienist and hairdresser mentioned they could see the lack of care.

The beginning of 2013 I began to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

My kids gave me a Kuerig coffee maker so I started lowering my daily caloric intake beginning with fluids.  I am avoiding artificial sweeteners so I am careful to measure the sugar and dairy products I put in my coffee.  I brought in a glass I like to drink out of to work so I am drinking more water throughout the day.  I allow myself one soft drink a day and generally I only drink half a can and finish it the following day.

Next, I changed my breakfast habit.  Breakfast is now a sliced banana, orange and crushed granola bar.  Mid morning snack is a Greek yogurt.

Third change was lunch.  I chop up several stalks of celery, a tomato, half a cucumber, and a small avocado.  At lunch I heat up about 3-4 ounces of either lean beef strips or chopped chicken and add that to the chopped vegetables.

For dinners, I eat whatever I cook for the kids just in smaller portions.  I pay attention to each bite to determine am I still hungry or am I continuing to eat just to clean my plate.

I do allow myself a  small sweet after dinner.  A bite sized candy such as a mini reese’s peanut butter cup or a single cookie.  This way I don’t feel deprived.

I am two weeks into this new way of thinking about eating and 5 lbs are gone.  That is half the depression weight I gained.  I am going to hold off on starting back to the work out regime I did last year until I am more fully immersed in the new eating habits.  I don’t want to derail the good that I have accomplished by pushing too hard.

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