A scream for attention…and….nothing

“I can’t seem to shut off my brain, worrying about things I have no control over, scared that at the end of the day I will be lost and alone and no one will even care because I am so forgettable.  It’s no wonder that I feel ignored…it’s not that anyone is ignoring me…it’s they forget I am even here.”

I couldn’t sleep last night.  And like a drunk that can’t stop themselves I sent that text to someone I love with all my heart who…well, he tells me he loves me but…I don’t know.  Since it has been 3 hours since he woke up and I haven’t gotten a reply, I really feel forgotten and unloved.

I know these are real feelings, I know they are being nourished by depression.  What I don’t know is how to weed this garden of negativity.  Is it time to prune this person from my life?  Probably…he is going through a really hard life change right now and I would hate to add to his burden.  I know I need to love myself enough to let go…you hear that really loud but looming don’t you.

No rash decisions, not until I get the sleep I need and am on a firmer foundation of stable emotions.

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