I don’t understand jealousy. What a waste of emotions. I am a firm believer that jealousy is a selfish emotion. Jealousy only affects yourself, it does nothing to or for the person you are jealous of. I have a married friend who has a spouse that is jealous of any woman he speaks to. What a miserable way to live her life. I have been on the receiving end of her jealous rants several times. I am glad I have never met her in person, the negative energy she must exude has to be unbearable.
I have very different attitudes when it comes to relationships. Since the demise of my marriage I have been reading a lot of relationship books and articles. I know attraction to the opposite sex doesn’t shut down just because you exchanged vows with someone. Do I think one should act on said attraction and willy nilly have sex with your attraction? No, I don’t. Do I think both partners should talk about said attraction? Yes, I do. Is monogamy the be all end all in a marriage? Maybe, maybe not, depends on the couple.
I believe monogamy is a contract that should be worked out either before or shortly after marriage. I personally don’t think a partner having sex with another person should signal the end of trust or the relationship. I would rather my partner come to me and let me know they are attracted to another. My concern in my relationships is that I am the number one priority in my partner’s life. Should he feel the need to have sex with another woman, so be it, as long as he uses protection and comes home and tells me all about the encounter. As long as it is my bed he settles in every night then I am fine.
How did I develop such an attitude? It’s been a lot of reading and a lot of soul searching. I was 100% monogamous in my marriage. I was not “allowed” to have friendships with members of the opposite sex. I made the decision that you do what you have to in order to have a happy life, and if that means accepting your partner may need variety that you cannot provide then so be it. Negotiate your relationship like you would any long term contract. Look inside your heart and soul and decide what you can and cannot handle in your relationship, then live your life.